In Te Maunga we have been writing a story from a character's point of view. The story is about birds who meets another big bird, and the little birds were very mean and bulled him. We had to retell the story from a character's point of view. I think I did well on focusing on the success criteria. I think that next time I could add some metaphors and similes.
I hope you enjoy it
Here is my writing:
As I sat on the power line my brother came and sat on it too. I didn’t want him there so I punched him and he punched me back. All of a sudden all of my other siblings dropped down onto the power line. This made me really mad so I started punching them and my siblings started punching me back. We started a fight, suddenly a loud noise made us freeze, I turned around and I saw a BIG version of me. At first I was afraid but as I looked him I thought he looked DISGUSTING and HIDEOUS!!!
I started laughing then everyone started laughing. Then I imitated him. Lots of my other little chubby brothers started imitating him. Just then the big bird flew over to us and plopped down in the middle of us. I started screaming “ get off, get off” but the big bird lost it’s balance and fell forward. My brother and I had a great idea we started pecking at the big bird's feet. Everyone started cheering “do it, do it.” Suddenly one of brothers noticed that the big bird's head was like three inches off the ground and started shouting madly “ he is three inches off the ground, he is three inches off the ground!!” everyone looked down and gasped. . .
He was three inches off the ground. But the two peckers didn’t notice they just kept on peeking and suddenly PING the big bird fell off. But my brothers and I went ZOOMING into space and ZOOMING back down to the ground. The little birds were naked and they ran into the bush. In the bush the brothers regretted what they had done. “NOW we have to grow feathers AGAIN!!”